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Funny gags in English
|Category: Ethnic jokes|
|Once there were two chinese gentlemen named Mr. Ho and Mr. Chen. They were neighbors but happened to be very competitive. One day Mr. Ho decided to start a shoe business, he named his store WE DO SHOE. now Mr. Chen decided he must compete with Mr. Ho, so he started a shoe business right next door to Mr. Hos store and he named it SHOE DO WE.|
|Category: Marriage jokes|
|A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?" "Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things Id ever heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! Youve got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!" "Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?" "Please dont make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "Im so embarrassed, theyre just too awful! Come get me, please!" "Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"|
|Category: Birthday jokes|
|Home - A - Age Jokes"Thats an excellent essay for someone your age," said the English teacher. "How about for someone my Mums age, Miss?" "Welcome to school, Simon," said the nursery school teacher to the new boy. "How old are you?" "Im not old," said Simon. "Im nearly new."Miss Jones agreed to be interviewed by Fred for the school magazine. "How old are you, maam?" asked Fred. "Im not going to tell you that," she replied. "But Mr Hill the technical teacher and Mr Hill the geography teacher told me how old they were." "Oh well," said Miss Jones. "Im the same age as both of them." The poor teacher was not happy when she saw what Fred wrote: Miss Jones, our English teacher, confided in me that she was as old as the Hills. "Now remember, boys and girls," said the science teacher, "you can tell a trees age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring for each year." Fred went home for tea and found a chocolate roll on the table. "Im not eating that, Mum!" she said. "Its five years old." Grandma: Youve left all your crusts, Fred. When I was your age I ate every one. Fred: Do you still like crusts, Grandma? Grandma: Yes, I do. Fred: Well, you can have mine. How old is your wife?Approaching forty.From which direction?An eminent old man was being interviewed, and was asked if it was correct that he had just celebrated his ninety-ninth birthday.`Thats right, said the old man. `Ninety-nine years old, and I havent an enemy in the world. Theyre all dead.`Well, sir, said the interviewer, `I hope very much to have the honour of interviewing you on your hundredth birthday.The old man looked at the young man closely, and said, `I cant see why you shouldnt. You look fit and healthy to me!|
|Category: Dinosaur jokes|
|Q: What was the most flexiest dinosaur?A: Tyrannosaurus Flex.|
|Category: Dirty jokes|
|A woman walks into her accountants office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, Ill need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?" The woman replies, "Im a whore." The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Lets try to rephrase that." The woman, "OK, Im a prostitute.". "No, that is still too crude. Try again." They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "Im a chicken farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?". "Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."|